Junkie.

["Chris J" <p3n0r@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

This completely isn't the appropirate place for this and i apologize 
beforehand. If this may offend you I truly am sorry. I just don't know where 
else to go. So please do not read this any further if it will offend. I 
sincerely do apologize i just haven't anywhere to really turn to at this 
point.

Being hooked on junk for the last six+ months and finally trying to make up 
my mind wether or not to quit is the hardest thing. The first part of 
quitting is because i have no more supply. The other part is because i do 
believe that i do need to quit. Although that is the belief, i honestly 
don't really feel like i want to. From being so severely depressed for the 
last 7 years, this has been the first thing ever that has made me feel 
normal. I'm able to function. I can go to work without having problems with 
dealing with people. I have actually been doing half decent in school. 
(college) So this is so much of a double edged sword for me and i'm almost 
at the point of breaking down. Its been three days and i've been constantly 
waking up soaked in sweat, pounding headaches every morning and its just not 
something i can deal with. If anyone has ever had to deal with this 
personally or know anyone who has i'd appreciate a little bit of help or 
some sort of advice, if you are just going to be anti-drug and try to make 
me feel even worse than i already do, then please don't bother to respond. I 
just know there has to be some people that are able to give me some 
feedback. I don't want to turn this into some post on the list. So just 
respond privately if possible. I sincerely thank anyone who is able to 
provide some sort of advice or support for me right now just due to the 
extreme difficult situation i am in right now. Not to mention the whole 
thing is just making the depression set back in that much more and 
everything feels so distant and faded. I don't want to bother doing things 
like going to work right now, yet i still do just because. Maybe i'll make 
it through the day, maybe i'll end up getting fired. I don't really know. I 
just know i need some sort of help from someone who truly understands. 
Watching drugstore cowboy so many times last night just made me wonder if 
having that shitty little life, living in that crummy little room is just 
what things are supposed to be. Or are people supposed to just be enjoying 
life as Bob's mom said "you kids just want to run and play all the time, but 
you can't always just run and play" I know the quote isn't exact but its the 
point of the story. So what is the solution the 30 day methadone program? 
Trying to wean myself off it slowly. Dealing with feeling like shit and 
hoping that i live through it.